Barbara Curry wrote the screenplay for the 2015 movie “The Boy Next Door” based off her real life experiences as a criminal lawyer. Lets hope she didn’t quit her day job as an attorney.
“The Boy Next Door” is so poorly written that the cliche dialogue is a perfect compliment to the weakly developed characters and completely absurd story line on all fronts.
Jennifer Lopez isn’t going to fool anyone into thinking she’s Meryl Streep, but the popular beauty (who somehow looks even better now that she did in the 90s) is better than this. So is John Corbett, who has made fame as a sort of every-man in television roles in ‘Sex in the City,’ ‘Parenthood,’ and ‘Northern Exposure.’
A mistake of many novice writers is the creation of authentic sounding dialogue and believable characters. An early scene in “The Boy Next Door” depicts the Peterson family; Claire (Lopez), Garrett (Corbett), and teenage son Kevin (Ian Nelson) at the diner table discussing a camping trip. The conversation reeks of a false image of how dialect should be.
Later on, when asked if he wants a soda, Kevin gleefully replies “Sure! That would be great!” Again no one talks like this – least of all a high school junior. Is it nitpicking? Maybe, if the carnage was limited to just a handful of scenes. But the entire movie plays out as if the writer had never once spoken to or listened to someone else talking at any point ever in their entire life.
The current nightly news is filled with stories of hot teachers on trial for having sex with underage students. Some end up in the can, but most get a slap on their wrist. In “The Boy Next Door” Claire is an English teacher who is attempting to reconcile with her husband after an affair, when Noah (Ryan Guzman) moves in next door to care for a sick uncle. His parents are both dead, and the way the information is presented I immediately knew he was behind their murder.
Noah forms a connection with Claire’s nerdy son, doing the typical role of defending him from a gang of bullies so over the top they feel like cartoons. Noah is the alpha cool kid who shows attraction to Claire in a way I couldn’t have fathomed back in high school. In a weird sort of perversion, Claire is shown admiring him too as he works on the car sans shirt, but who could blame her, Noah has the chiseled bod of a Greek Titan and the demeanor and suave of a man in his late 40s and not a high school student.
Of course he had hidden cameras all around the room, but when we see his antics later on (hacking computers, overriding cars, kidnapping adults) you’ll wonder why he isn’t at some high paying CIA job.
The other most glaring point of error is the Noah character himself. Barbara Curry writes him in as being 19 years old, almost 20. A shoddy reason for him being a high school senior is supplied, but the damage is done. In reality he shouldn’t have anything to hold over Claire. Two consenting adults had sex. There is no crime. There is no reason for Claire to fear retribution, career suicide, or the iron bars of a prison cell. Just once I’d like a writer to have some stones and make the female lead someone with questionable morals.
In equally awkward casting, Kristen Chenoweth plays Claire’s best friend Vicky – who also happens to be Vice Principal of the school, though I don’t recall my Vice Principal having having peroxide blonde hair and tight low-cut blouses. She offers some form of logic upon meeting Noah – He’s a strange kid, I cant put my finger on it – and accompanies Claire on a double date with two Gucci-model cavemen that produces some of the more outrageous, albeit unintentionally funny conversation.
“The Boy Next Door” looked promising in previews but don’t be fooled. Its an awful movie that offers no form of enjoyment, and should send Barbara Curry back to the law firm with her tail between her legs.
by – Matt Christopher
