Holy sweet god damn, I’m back! No sugar. No nicotine. No worries! 2024 is halfway gone and for all we know, the end of civilization as we know it may be right around the corner. Of course I’m kind of joking, but who really knows.
One thing I know for sure that is coming to a quick end is the prolific wrestling career of John Cena. I can’t even believe I’m saying this but, comedic genius John Cena is turning his attention to acting full-time, or so it looks. And I for one and down for the count! Along with Pee Wee Herman, Batman, Ghostbusters, and all the other dork ass stuff I still love from childhood, the same can be said for the WWE.
Pro Wrestlers Turing Actors
I loved running around the halls of my middle school like a bona fide lunatic screaming “suck it” at fellow students and teachers alike. Hell, I even once attempted a Razor’s Edge off a ladder into my parent’s pool to my best friend. Dangerous and dumb for sure, but relax… he’s fine. Hell, just last week I met him for a walk around Lake Scranton. We reminisced about some of those great times until I crashed out from the heat. Way too hot to be pushing a wheelchair around. But yeah, you can say I know a thing or two about pro-wrestlers. With that, Let’s just talk about wrestlers making the leap to the Big Screen, the good, the bad and the ugly. Not everything can be as great as Roddy Piper’s performance in “They Live!” But that’s okay. No structure. No worries!
Anyone ever seen the Hulk Hogan vehicle, “Mr. Nanny?” It makes “Gigli” look like “The Godfather” by comparison—though the Hulkster’s performance is only slightly worse than that of Justin Bartha’s. The ‘Hollywood’ in Hollywood Hulk Hogan really only applied to the NWO, if you know what I mean. And Hulk, I’m sorry brother, you are my all-time favorite wrestler, but you star in some of the worst wrestler-starring-movies ever. “Suburban Commando,” “Santa with Muscles…” go ahead tap out, I’ll stop.
From Good to Bad: Bautista and Andre the Giant Some of the Best
Dave Bautista as Drax in “The Guardians of the Galaxy” franchise. (Photo: Marvel Studios).
Dave Bautista though. Now there’s a dude who just found his niche. Drax arguably steals every MCU scene he is in, and he also got to be a henchman in a Bond film. Not bad. But for every Bautista you get a Triple H performance like that in “Blade: Trinity.” Very bad. Very, very bad. The Game belongs in the ring on “Smackdown” or Raw, not hamming it up with Wesley Snipes. And also: how about Stone Cold Steve Austin? I’m not going to say one bad word about the Texas Rattlesnake. From his appearances in the “Grownups” films to “The Longest Yard,” Adam Sandler no doubt enjoys working with him and for that I am thankful. Now give me a hell yeah!
Andre the Giant stole the scene in “The Princess Bride.” That whole movie is a wonderful piece of childhood, but Andre steals the show. And remember, that one is loaded with classic characters and lines. And the film is Andre’s! Another big man making an amazing appearance is Big Daddy Cool himself Kevin Nash as Super Shredder in the live action “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze.” Nash kicks ass as the all-time Turtles antagonist. Man, when I was 5, all I wanted was one of those 1/8 size Turtle action figures. I never did get one, but thankfully the kidnappers in my area didn’t have any or I’d have been in that van quicker than you could say heroes in a half shell.
Smackdown! Cena vs. Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson
Dwayne Johnson and Carla Gugino (Photo: Warner Bros., 2015).
John Cena has made some really memorable performances to this point, and I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention how absolutely hilarious he is in one of the most underrated comedies of the last decade, “Blockers.” Just watch it. Between “Peacemaker,” “Suicide Squad,” and hilarious comedy cameos, Cena no doubt has a bright road ahead of him.
But when it comes to wrestlers-turned-actors, I mean how in the hell are we forgetting the main one? The great one. The Macho Man Randy Savage in “Spider-Man!” Bonsesaw McGraw himself! Alright, I’m joking. Of course I’m talking about Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. He went from the People’s Champion to the People’s favorite actor. And sure, not every single one of his films have been huge hits. I mean, “One Night In Chyna” has better CGI than “The Scorpion King,” but I’ll give him a pass. His work in “The Fast & the Furious” franchise, the “Jumanji” films, and others like “Skyscraper,” “Central Intelligence,” “San Andreas,” and “Pain & Gain” have all landed him among my favorite actors of all time. He’s so genuinely likable and the kind of person you want to route for—I just want to see him delivering Rock Bottoms to people all over the silver screen.
Looking Forward to Things to Come
While The Rock’s place in cinema history is likely carved, it remains to be seen for John Cena. But if anyone can challenge The Rock for the world championship of wrestlers-turned actors, Cena is the man. And if you wanna be the man, you gotta beat the man. I’m going to go watch a Royal Rumble… not “Ready To Rumble!” Don’t even mention that film around me!
