Under Siege (R)

This movie is just fun. You probably know it: it stars Steven Segal, that martial arts dude who was the more controlled action hero compared to actors like Stallone and Schwarzenegger. He appeared in a number of films, such as “Above the Law,” “On Deadly Ground,” and 2001’s “Exit Wounds” alongside rapper DMX. 

“Under Siege” is billed as “’Die Hard’ on a Battleship” by the Los Angeles Times, and, while suffering from some ill begotten plotting and scriptwriting, is a man movie lover’s dream. Released in 1992, the film delivers guns, explosions, and one-liners a plenty.

Segal here plays Casey Ryback, a supposed Navy cook, though through the course of this movie we find he is much more than that. He is pitted against a host of villains, some Navy, some rogue, who take over the battleship USS Missouri somewhere off Hawaii, making one last trip before being decommissioned.

Where this movie succeeds is its whit and pace. “Come on, that’s not striking an officer,” Ryback quips after shoving his nemesis Commander Krill (Gary Busey), only to seconds later punch him in the face. “That’s striking an officer!”

Krill is soon revealed to have a scheme to take over the battleship for a purpose of his own, teamed up with an ex patriot William Strannix (Tommy Lee Jones). Ryback spends much of the beginning of the film locked in a meat cooler until he escapes and rescues the film’s damsel in distress Jordan (Erika Eleniak). “So who are you, like some Special Forces guy or something?” she asks. Ryback’s reply is cemented in the annals of man movies forever: “Nah, I’m just a cook.”

This is where the movie excels, in the team-up between Jordan and Ryback, and the “Die Hard”-esque way they sneak through the ship, killing baddies one by one until he becomes a severe thorn in the side of both Krill and Strannix. Segal is really perfect here, utilizing his martial arts background to land effective take-downs and kills. Segal also does an interesting thing with Ryback. With low-toned and calm speech, barely raising his voice even in violent engagements, he comes off more tough-guy than he might have otherwise. There’s something about a killer who knows his trade so well he doesn’t have to act menacing to be menacing.

As tag-a-long Jordan, Eleniak is nice to look at, and for some reason director Andrew Davis gives her more depth than was probably necessary. But it makes for a nice change.

The rest of the cast is effective, though the writing suffers a bit, trying to paint complex motives for both Krill and Strannix that really aren’t necessary. Movies like “Commando” understood that the villain’s M.O. is really moot: a bad guy is doing something bad, the hero gets to kick butt. Not much reason for much else. But here, Davis and writer J.F. Lawton try and paint Krill and Strannix with depth, and it just comes off as laughable. As does Krill’s stubborn refusal to accept that Ryback is a serious player until one villain finds a document portraying him to be an ex S.E.A.L. “The goddamn cook’s a S.E.A.L.?!,” a henchman utters in one of the funniest lines of the movie.

The rest of the villains are made up of mostly below the radar types, but we see an appearance of Colm Meany, who played a weasel D.E.A. agent in “Con Air,” and does an adequate job here as well. Across the board, you can’t really fault any the acting, and both Busey and Lee Jones create menacing baddies that are a force to be reckoned with.

The plot is rather unbelievable, but is that the reason you sit down to watch “Under Siege?” Probably not. The film also clambers on for a too-long hour and 43 minutes, and kind of ends in a chaotic way. The film could have benefited from an editing and some tighter sequences, but the closing battle between Strannix and Ryback is wrought with the right stuff, and the movie closes well.

“Under Siege” is just terrific fun. Halfway through you’ll find the movie growing on you, and by the end you’ll probably love it. It suffers from standard action movie tropes, but its intended audience is doubtless looking for this anyway. Segal and Co. deliver a solid movie that will likely end up on your “must watch again” list without too much trouble.

– by Mark Ziobro